Tough stuff essay

October 13, 2007 When I was eight years old, I lived in Coachella with my mother and two sisters. As for my father he was only allowed to see me on weekends, which made seeing him and his side of the family more special to me. With them I always felt loved, safe, and happy. However, the feeling of security left me the early morning of October 13, 2007. On this cold October day at around two in the morning I was sexually harassed by someone I’ve known almost all my life. As a result, I grew up terrified of men, angry at the world, insecure, depressed, unable to trust others and living in fear this would happen again. A sexual-harassment experience nearly destroyed me for the rest of my life. Being sexually harassed at such a young age led me to educate myself more about rape culture and victim blaming. Even though, this experience was traumatic for me it also led me to my career choice of becoming a victims advocate. In this career you help provide aid, support, and counseling for those who are victims in cases such as rape, sexual harassment, domestic abuse, or near death experience. When I read stories about women who’ve been taken advantage of, all I wanted to do was help them in anyway I possibly could. The kind of help I wish I received when I was going through this alone. As I grew up I figured out I wasn’t the only one that had happened to, not even close. It horrified me this was actually very common to happen to someone my age and by someone they knew too. It is estimated that one in every three girls and one in every six boys will be sexually assaulted by the age of 18. About 85 to 90% of sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone the victim knows. All in all, growing up I thought I was the only one that’s ever happened to but I later learned in life even one of my closest friends was harassed by a family friend but she was 11 when it happened. If horrified me to know I wasn’t the only one this type of thing happened to. It gave me no feeling of comfort knowing I wasn’t alone all it did was make me more horrified that I have more to be afraid of. There was more men out there doing the same thing to younger girls and older women , I saw it as more of a reason to be afraid of older men. What happened on October 13, 2007 left a big impact on my adolescent years. The day before, October 12, 2007 was a celebration of my tio Oscar’s release from prison, The family gathering was held at my tia Vero’s house in Bermuda Dunes. I rarely ever saw my dad side of the family so it was very special to me when I did. Since I was younger I knew if my dad was around I’d always be safe and I’ve never been more right than on that night. Hours after my father left me at my tia’s house to sleep in the guest room, I was taken advantage of by a close family friend. While the remaining family members sat outside around a bright red steaming fire to drink and maybe tell a couple stories, my dad and my Tio Oscar excused themselves to leave early due to their probation forbidding them on drinking. I stayed in my Tia’s guest room because my dad said there was more room for me there which I didn’t mind, I liked staying at her house since they always gave me a room to myself. After my father left I got ready to go to bed but stayed up for what seemed like hours playing my game boy in the pitch black dark room with only the light of my GameBoy and glowing red numbers coming from the alarm clock next to the bed to light the room. Around one or two in the morning someone came into the room with me but I quickly faked being asleep out of fear I was going to be awake for staying up too late, I expected whenever it was to see me “asleep” then immediately shut the door but I was wrong… they stared me down like a hawk as I laid there. Suddenly I heard the door shut close but creaking of the floorboards began, the nose got closer and closer to me till I felt my side of the bed go up as someone laid right next to me meanwhile I was still pretending to be asleep. After the person stroked my hair for about two minutes seconds later my innocence was taken from me and I had become a victim of sexual molestation. The fear in me begged for me to remain quiet but the excruciating pain coming from within me broke my silence as I began to silently cry blowing my cover that I was asleep. I knew they heard me because they had stopped then I felt a hand cover my mouth as they said in a forced deep and raspy voice “ if you tell anyone of this I’ll find out and I’ll hurt you even more.” I cried into their hand nodding in agreement that I understood. Immediately after, they left the room but by then I knew exactly who the voice belonged too I didn’t even need to turn from facing the wall to know who it was, after all I had known them my whole life. The remainder of the long night I cried hysterically, laying in horrible pain, wishing I was dead. I feel as if I were a fly on the wall as if I watch this whole event go down but couldn’t do a thing to stop it. Myself out like it had abandoned my body to go somewhere safe and all I was, was a vessel an empty vessel. Finally morning had came I still haven’t gotten a minute of sleep, I haven’t moved or stop crying. All I did was replay the voice in my head feeling betrayed by someone my family has known for a long time. I never told a soul what happened that night out of fear for my life and that this would happen again. Never again. As a result of what happened, going out to isolated myself from others because I saw myself as a bad different. However because this did happen to me at such a young age, growing up it made me more pre cautious of who I trust and how to ensure that this would never happen again. That’s the fearful thing about this though, it could happen to anyone at any time of the day, any place and by anybody. I’ve also learned to speak up on sexual-harassment, keeping it bottled inside me for so long made me realize that all I was doing was more damage to myself and letting this eat at me which wasn’t healthy. In conclusion, I no longer blame me, That man, or my God for what happened that night. Although some days I wish what happened didn’t happen, I know I was only put through the situation so I can make me stronger, safer, and more aware.